Am I a Good Parent?
Something us mothers ask ourselves often!
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During the Australian Open we heard Yannick Sinner (the Champion of the tournament) thank his parents for always allowing (and then supporting) the choices he made in his life.
Sinner was U13 Junior Italian Ski Champion and had to decide between skiing and tennis.
After he received a $2.1m payday from winner, I think we know he made a good choice.
But in contrast, over the years tennis fathers (particularly) have been less than stellar.
We know about Jelena Dokic’s father’s shocking abuse of her and her mental health struggles as a result of this, in her adult life. And he hasn’t been the only one over the years. Jennifer Capriati, Bernard Tomic, Mary Pearce, Steffi Graff and Andre Agassi have all been abused by their fathers whether it was on or off the court, emotionally, physically or financially.
So when I compare myself to that, I guess I’m an outstanding parent!
But what about the everyday things we do?
Do we measure up to being a good parent or not?
And how should (can) that be measured?
I like to tell people ‘I am the Mother of Sons’.
I have raised three of them.
Two to adulthood and the final one is mid-teens now. I have a step son & step daughter too but while I helped raise them over the years, I was not their primary carer like I was (am) with my sons.
I would describe my parenting style as firm but fair.
I can be too kind sometimes (where they try to walk all over me and sometimes succeed), but we have rules and they know there are consequences if they break them.
With my two older boys, I left their father when they were 5 and 3, so I had many years where I was being undermined by my ex-husband, which made parenting and setting boundaries extremely difficult at times.
One time we had an argument with my eldest, then 15, who, after grounding him and sending him to his room, called his father and 30 minutes later come out and said ‘I’m going to dads’ and promptly left the house!
He eventually came back, realised there were rules for a reason and we got on with it.
But it’s in those seemingly small crisis moments that I shine a light that tells me I am a good parent and I am raising good kids.
Kids get into small scrapes a lot of the time.
I have gone through three boys learning to drive.
One time my step-son (on his L’s) stalled his dads car at the lights and the guy behind bumped into us.
We pulled over, the driver behind was annoyed, I stood up for my step-son, saying he’s got L plates, there’s no damage to either of our cars, so there is no need to be like that.
He was worried about telling his dad, but then, I supported him through that conversation too.
A few years later my eldest called one day and here’s how the conversation went:
”Mum, I’ve been in an accident with the Prius” (his step-dads car)
“Are you hurt?” ”No”
“Is the other driver ok?”
“Yes”
“Is the car drivable? ”Yes”
“Ok, good, tell me what happened”.
One of my finer moments I think!
Reacting like this when faced with a bad situation, allows your kids space to come to you for the bad, stupid things they do.
Same child a few years later.
Note on the kitchen bench when I got up one morning. “Wake me after you’ve read this”.
He’d been clocked at doing 110km/hr in an 80km zone down a main road near our house and was fined and would lose his licence for six months because of it.
Fortunately for him, he got out of it.
Some years later at my 50th, he told both these stories to all assembled to show why he thinks I’m a good mother.
Still I have days when I question my ability to parent well, as I’m sure we all do.
I was lucky enough to grow up with great parents so they set the model for me to follow. I was the one with ‘cool’, sporty, athletic parents.
We had a pool at home, we traveled interstate (a big deal in the 70s!) and we were the first ones in our neighbourhood to get a telephone!
When I was younger I used to say, “When I have children, I want to create a home that my kids, want to bring their friends to”.
Like I had when I was growing up.
My friends wanted to be at our house.
My friends enjoyed talking to my parents.
Some of them still call them aunty & uncle. (That was a thing back then if you moved past Mrs & Mrs, because kids NEVER called adults by their first names then).
At my 50th, a lot of my kids friends were there.
These are kids that came weekly to our house.
There was always extra food incase a couple more turned up.
I’d rather have my kids at home playing video games with their friends, or hanging out watching a movie than them being somewhere else.
I like to think that I achieved my goal!
In the day to day, I often question how I’m doing, if I can do better.
On balance I don’t think I’m too bad.
What is your definition of a ‘good parent’?
As we seek excellence in all we do, I want to share with you what I’m up to each week. It will keep me accountable to you, my readers and it will also help me to reflect on what I’ve done over the previous week.
➡️ This Week’s Progress
The first week of GCSE exams is done! Progressing with projects and I am writing a few articles that I will submit for publication.
➡️ This Week’s Reading
I’ve been reading some magazines that I had backlogged.
➡️ This Week’s Viewing
This week I continued watching ‘Break Point’ on Netflix. Which is like ‘Drive to Survive’, except for tennis. I started it ages ago and never finished it. It’s good. I love the tennis!
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Michelle is a Writer, Marketer, Content Entrepreneur, Historian (Mst Oxon) and mother of 3 boys.
After 25 years in business and as the ‘Content Marketing Queen’ for over 13 years, she has helped countless small businesses understand and develop their content strategies and focus on a customer first approach.
On International Women’s Day in March 2024, Michelle hung up her crown so that she could be a Queen Maker to inspire and assist women over 40, rise up to be the Queens they were born to be.
At Excellence Takes Courage we will navigate together what it takes to achieve excellence, with courage.
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